A Letter
by Finaly123
Summary: Éponine's taken the letter addressed to Marius and it has its consequences. She finds herself in the middle of the revolution, her plans destroyed. Can she survive the revolution? And if she can, how will it affect her life?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N  
**New story here. I hope you'll like it. I'm sorry for my English, it's not my native language. If you have any questions PM me. Enjoy and if you want, write a review. I take all the criticism.

I own nothing

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**Éponine's POV  
**  
I'm losing.

I'm losing ever since I was born. But I am too pathetic to get this fact into my head. You know, one part of me is still thinking, that I can turn it. That I can win once.  
But the other part knows, that I can only laugh at this. That I'm destined to lose.

I've lost my home.

You know that feeling, when you come to some place and you can say: I am home? I've lost this place. You just can't call home a place which is so cold and dark and where you can think only about your broken past. Oh, how I miss that warm feeling near my heart. But that does not matter now. I've lost my home a long time ago.

I've lost my family.

No, no one died. I've lost them the other way. I've lost them as my parents, as my siblings. Who are we now? Just some human wrecks which know one each other. That little care which reminded in us is not enough to call us family. Can I even call it care?

I've lost the possibility to have a better life.

Yes, since I am here, in Paris I cannot even think about better life. But you get used to everything after some time. And so did I. You just need some time. Sure, I cry in nights. Who wouldn't? Oh, yes, the strong ones. But how much of strong ones reminded in this cold streets of Paris? Or maybe the careless. And there is a lot of careless in streets. Maybe too many.

I've lost my love.

Marius. Where have we gone? Nowhere. You are just not able to see me the way I see you. But why? Just wake me up from my nightmare, and tell me you love me. Tell me you want to be with me.  
I'm so stupid sometimes. He has his Cosette.

But... but there is still a spark of hope... isn't there?  
If only... if only he will see me the other way, just for a second I am willing to die. Just for that one second.

I'm sorry Cosette. I'm sorry that I don't want a happy life for you... Why? Because I want a happy end to my life. Maybe I shouldn't have taken that letter you've left for him. Maybe I'm just a selfish street rat. Maybe I am. And I am sorry for it. This letter will bring only pain to us. Pain I'm willing to withstand. Maybe he will see me as something more than a poor girl from streets.

Today, today he will be on barricades. And maybe... just maybe he will love me just for a second.

But I... I just can't go to barricades can I ?! But he's there tomorrow! He's said to me he's joining the students. And I've taken that letter. That letter which could save him. That letter which will destroy me. Us.

Closing my eyes slowly, thinking in this June end of the night about how will this day end.

Why are all the decisions in my life so hard? Go to barricades and you'll die... And Marius too by your fault! Fault yous don't regret. At least, we'll die together.

Sun was rising slowly, coloring the sky to pink and orange. How beautiful morning to this day of useless deaths, tears and cries. Day of revolution, which won't succeed.  
People will not rise. That's the fact students don't want to accept.

It seems, that all of us don't want to take something the way it is. How sad, that this day won't have a happy ending. Or maybe more days. Who knows how long the barricades will last?

But there's still that question... Should I go?

I'm losing... I'm losing ever since I was born. One more defeat will be just like the others. Well, maybe with the difference of the end. After the end of my other defeats I've stayed alive to this day. Maybe this one day will change that...

I am joining the students. Not because of me. Not because of them. Just because of him. Because of Marius. Maybe to give him the letter from Cosette as a goodbye. I would like to see the happiness in his eyes once again. And this letter can guarantee it.

My still body got up from ground. The day begins... And now... to the Lamarque's burial.

* * *

**At Barricade**

Where is he? Where is Marius?

My eyes were watching every face of student here. Poor boys who think that they can change the world alone. But where is he?

The barricade was set. Broken pieces of furniture, a carriage and a red flag on the top of this wooden mess. It's not a beautiful look. It screams to you, it makes your heart beat faster. It just yells that death is waiting just behind the corner. That its cold fingers are ready to touch the bodies of students here.

I was just standing here in father's old coat and trousers, cap covering my long hair. No one is able to recognize a woman in me. Clothes are one thing, my dirty face the other and the fact, that women are not joining this barricade helps too.

"...Marius?"

Where? Who has mentioned him?  
My eyes found two of the students talking. Combeferre and Courfeyrac I guess. I don't know them much.

"No, he won't come," I guess this is Combeferre.

"And why? Is he too afraid?" And this is probably Courfeyrac.

"No. I've seen him with that girl... Cosette yesterday.I guess he wants to be with her. Revolution is not for everybody and..."

He... won't... come...

He isn't even here! He's met Cosette. He's decided.

And I've lost again. I've lost my last hope to keep myself alive.

A letter in my hand fell down to small puddle, ink melting with water slowly, words disappearing. That letter which caused this. That letter, which has brought me here to death. That letter which is responsible for everything.

I'm so stupid sometimes. Throwing guilty on some letter. It's my fault, I'm guilty. Letter has nothing to do with this. I've taken it. And still, Marius is so lucky to save his life. And Cosette is so lucky to have a happy life. I knew this letter will kill me, or better, taking of this letter by my hand will destroy me. And here I am. In the middle of revolution, with running students everywhere.

So, let's take a step forward to that invisible figure hiding behind the corner. Let's throw my life behind. Now, when there's nothing to live for, now I can die. What is expecting me? No one knows...

"Do something useful instead of just standing here," someone said and handed me a musket. My eyes lifted to see the man who's said this to me.  
Yes, the leader of this deathly game called revolution, Enjolras. His figure was climbing up the barricade.

Musket felt so heavy in my hands. I am not even ready to kill someone... Why have I even come here? Oh, yes, because of him, because of Marius. But he's not here. He's chosen his own way. The happy way.

My legs were carrying me closer to barricade.

My eyes caught one of the horrors of the streets tied with ropes, unable to move. Inspector Javert. Maybe he will die here as well. And another man like him will take his place. And he'll be another of those horrors to thieves and street rats.

"They're coming!" a sharp scream ripped the air.

Death is coming. Closer and closer. Second by second.

Soon the sound of dozens marching legs reached everyone's ears. And when they've appeared my breath stopped. It wasn't dozens of legs. It was hundreds of legs. Marching slowly, like they were knowing that they're stronger. That they're able to destroy every barricade which was set on this day.

And then they've stopped. And deathly silence set on the barricade. Ineffable feelings of terror.

"Get ready," the leader said covering himself, but keeping his musket on his target.

"Who is there?!" a strong voice of soldier ripped the silence.

"French Revolution!"

And then it was decided. The death sentence was said. First gunshots reached the barricade. Suddenly everything was in smoke, only loud screams and gun fires were echoing through my ears.

Terrible feelings. It was just terrible to see two men looking at each other for the first time in their lives knowing, that only one of them will escape alive. I wasn't able to do it. I just wasn't able to take someone's life away. I've reloaded that deathly weapons which were created only for destroying. And by this I've killed them. Indirectly, but I did.

"Grantaire what are you doing!" Enjolras' voice could be heard in the mess of sounds and gun fires.

My look immediately find the man the leader was talking about. He was waddling through the furniture with a barrel in his hand and the torch in the other. The barrel of... of gunpowder. Our death.

My look returned to the leader, who was still looking at the man who was carrying the gunpowder. Oh, Grantaire that drunkard.  
But something else took my attention. A gun.

Gun pointed exactly on leader's chest.

A thought came to my head. That thought came suddenly. Out of nowhere. But it was here, in my head - Should I die now or later when I have the option?  
And some instinct inside me pulled me forward the gun.  
Suddenly, I was standing in front of revolutionary, who was about to be taken away by death. Corners of my lips lifted a little. It is coming.

This is the thing I'm good in. Destroying plans. Now I'm destroying the plans of death. Or maybe death planned it just like this. It seems like everything is an illusion.  
Fingers were wrapping around the musket, pulling it away from leader's body. Shot echoed through my ears. This one was different. This one is meant to be mine. And blood is splashing from my wound, falling down, leaving small pools on a wood under my feet. It has come... my death.

I looked at soldiers eyes. They were confused. Of course, who would have expected this? But then his eyes changed. They became empty. That terrible emptiness of death eyes I've already seen in my life. The emptiness of nothing.  
Blood splashed from his chest as a bullet get into his body.

Strange... Am I already death? Is it normal not to feel any pain after being shot?

Someone's hand pulled me away from the range of king's soldiers. I looked at the person recognizing the leader in him. Enjolras.

"Are you alright?" he said.

"Yes, it's nothing," my voice was lowered to sound more like a man. I'm surprised, that I can think about this in this state.

"I owe you my life," he said and his look found Grantaire again.

"You owe me nothing," I whispered. How can a death man owe a life to someone?

"Thank you," he mouthed and jumped forward drunkard.

And that was the moment when it's hit me. The pain. Can you imagine a knife in your shoulder stabbing here a hundred times at once? Believe me, it felt even worse.  
Wait... Shoulder?! Why? Why not the chest? Someone is still destroying my plans and instead of letting me just die he keeps me alive!  
My vision became blurred. The sound became muted and somehow softer. My look reached my hand. It was covered in dark red blood, which was slowly drying.  
It felt like someone has slowed the time down. Everything was just too slow.

"...blow up the barricade..."

What brings people to think about death? Age? Desperation? Boredom? What's my reason of thinking about that? Love?

Who would mourn me? No one. Who would care? No one. I'm alone. I was alone. And I will die alone.

My vision cleared a little, eyes were able to catch a few pictures from the happenings in front of me.

King's soldiers were running away from the barricade. Enjolras was taking away the torch from drunkard's hand and he exhaled after the fire disappeared from the reach of the gunpowder.

Following minutes were a mystery for me. I wasn't able to sense anything around me. Was it pain doing this? Was it just this place itself driving me mad?

I've found myself sitting in front of closed door of the building, which seemed to be old. My hand was pressed to my wound. The pain wasn't weaker, but something was making it more tolerable. On the other side were students discussing something.  
There was Enjolras and some students whose names are a mystery for me. Maybe the one is Joly. But maybe I'm wrong.

"There are only few injured. No one died," the student said to Enjolras who nodded a little.

"We have only four uniforms. If someone wants to leave, leave now!" he turned to other students and waited for their response. No one said a word.

"No one wants to leave?"

Not a sound.

"Then there's no other way out of this place," Enjolras said and placed the uniforms on its place.

There is no way... Everyone will die here.

My eyes found a boy. A boy who was familiar. Maybe too familiar. Gavroche.  
How was I able to recognize him I don't know.  
My little brother, who maybe doesn't even remember me. How long it was? Since my ten or eleven? I've seen him only a few times on streets. Poor boy, he shouldn't be there. This is not a place for boys. How old is he now? Maybe twelve or more?  
Brother who doesn't even know he is my brother. A sister who should have cared more.  
And now, we'll die together. Poor kid.

My eyes suddenly widened. A thought...a memory which run through my head... It is an escape from this deathly place. It is an escape from death. But... I've come here to die haven't I? No, I will stay...  
There is a way out...  
But not for me.  
My eyes wandered to my brother again. To this kid, who is maybe braver than I am.  
He doesn't deserve death. He doesn't deserve this death. But maybe the death is a best option for everyone. No... Do I want to become a murderer? Do I want them to die, when there's an escape?

Hard decision... The hardest decision of my life.

I've stood up and I've decided. My legs carried me to Enjolras, the leader of this failed revolution who was just looking at the barricade.

"Monsieur," I lowered my voice, to sound more like a man. No one should know that I'm a woman.

"Yes?" his eyes lifted, watching me.

"There is a way out actually. There is a way out for everyone."

If this information did something with him, he didn't show it. He was looking at me like before.

"And which way is it?"

I took a deep breath. Now I'm deciding everything. These boys... they deserve to live.

"Sewers."

I've decided. Well, I can always jump to Seine if I still want to die.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**  
Another chapter. Thank you for your reviews! Thank you for following and favoring! And for reading of course. I'm sorry for my English. What should I say now? Enjoy! And review if you want.

I own nothing

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**Éponine's POV**

Leader's sharp look was observing me. I've tried hard to hide my pain. He shouldn't know, that I am wounded. A part of me hoped, that he would say no. A part of me hoped, that he would say yes. I was torn. Torn between life and death.

Suddenly he stood up and spoke:

"Everyone here, listen! There's a way out of here for everyone! Those, who wants to leave go to the left side of the barricade. We can't win this battle."

And he lowered his head. It was strange to see this proud leader struck by the reality. It was strange to see him giving up.  
I was watching, as students talked to each other and soon one by one they've stood on the left side. Boys, who were destined to loose this battle. Only the leader reminded still like a statue.

"Go, lead them out," he said and the last scrap of pride which reminded in him, forced him to stood up. He was walking towards barricade. He was walking towards his death. How do I know it? Instinct... or just my imagination.

"What is he doing?" some of the students asked.

Leader was calm. He was prepared for death.  
Does he really want to do this? Throw his life away? He's just as stupid as me then.

My eyes closed, preparing for the fight which will take place in my mind.  
If I let him die, it won't be important to the world. His death will not matter. He's just a little part of it and his death would mean nothing to it.  
But he can help the world! He can still be useful.  
But is it for me to decide? Can I destroy his illusion of death?  
Well, I've destroyed mine...

My eyes opened, vision blur. But he was visible enough.

"Go to that building there," I said to students, pointing on the building in front of me. Then I turned.

Students were listening to my words and they were walking to that building. I wasn't able to see them anymore, but I've known, that they were watching us.

"Monsieur!" I've shouted after the leader.

He turned to me.

"Revolution has failed. People did not raise. Let me die here, for I've betrayed the people," he said, not even looking at me.

"Monsieur, don't be stupid. You can be more useful to world when you'll stay alive than dead. Your dead body won't help the people."

Talking to him about these things as if I would be the right person to tell him... Me who wants to commit a suicide talking to desperate man, who is about to commit another. What an irony. But that's how life works I guess.

He stopped. A good sign... And finally, he turned from the barricade.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his brows twisted in strange expression.

"I mean, that if you will die, then you'll not be able to help people anymore. You can help them more being alive than dead."  
With that he closed his eyes, sighed and walked towards me.

"I guess you're right. Lead us out," he said and he continued forward without even looking at me.  
Well, that was quick...

Silent sigh escaped my lips, when I saw the enter to the sewers. The leader, Enjolras saw it too and he looked at me. I slightly nodded, to let him know, that it is a right place.

My look wandered to the barricade one last time. To the place, which was destined to be deathly. To that place, which was destined to be the death of mine. Shame, that fate decided for the other way.

The scrap of red tablecloth, which was used as flag was still blowing in cold wind, pierced by bullets. Empty barricade looked... dead.  
How many people died this day? How many mothers or wives are going to mourn? What's the reason of this? What's the price for these useless revolutions?

Maybe I do not understand the meaning of them. But I understand, that hundreds of people are killed because of revolution. And that there always will be someone hungry for the power.

Students were entering the sewers silently. No one wanted to break that silence which has settled between everyone of us.  
Enjolras looked at me and he entered the sewers too. I was the last one there. And I've left that place as last too.

I entered the sewers. I don't know them very good. I just know, how to orientate here. The stink of urine hit my nose. Awful.

"Wasn't there some better way?" the drunkard asked, but his question reminded unanswered.

"Which way to choose now?" Enjolras asked, looking at different tunnels.

"Forward," I whispered. My vision became blur again. Hand unwittingly touched the wound. Blood has soaked the clothes already. Maybe I will die after all. It will just take some more time of bleeding.  
We were walking through something which really wasn't smelling well. And I really do not need to know what was its composition.

Marius...

Where are you? Why aren't you here with me? To hold me? To tell me something, before my death?  
Stop dreaming, Éponine. Stop dreaming. It will be only worse. Don't dream for your dreams will never become true.

"Hey! I know it here!"

Gavroche. That little kid.  
Corners of my lips lifted a little. This was a great deal with death. My life in the exchange for his... At least, he can still have a chance to have a happy life.

"Then lead us!" Courfeyrac said with a chuckle.

It seemed, that they were close to each other. It was good to know, that my brother has a loyal friend and is not friend with dangerous men like my father.

"Gavroche, how much time we need, to get out from here?" Joly asked.

Of course he would ask that. Injured were not able to walk for too long. The number of injured wasn't high, but they need to get out quickly.

"Not much," was the kid's answer and his walking fastened a little.

Some thoughts has flown through my head... What if there's father or the similar to him? What if they are here, waiting for the death bodies to fell here? To rob the poor dead people, not leaving them a scarp of dignity?

Don't bother with it know. You'll bother, when... if they will appear.

I wasn't even noticing the filthy walls around me. My mind was dull and everything was somehow slower. But I was able to hold the connection to the world. But the unconsciousness was close. Very close.

"Almost there!" a sharp voice. Gavroche's.

It hurts... shoulder, head... whole body!  
I've stopped. I was not able to continue like this. I am going to die here. And maybe that would be the best. No one would find me here. I'll sink and rot here slowly and slowly... And rats would eat me and mouses would bit me. And the shell of me would be destroyed by time. And I'll turn to dust.  
Some hand touched me, making me blink. Whose was that face? Who was it?  
The person was talking...  
Darkness. Darkness is here. And I'm falling slowly. I'm sinking into the darkness of my own mind. And who knows if I will ever see the light again.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

Oh, Patria, why? Why have I failed? Why wasn't I able to touch the hearts of the people? Why haven't they rise? Why?

Hundred of questions were racing through my head and to none of them I could find answer.

I sighed silently. I should have stayed at the barricades... I shouldn't give up...

But on the other hand, that boy had truth...  
I turned around to see him better.

He has truth. I can still help the people somehow. I can wait for the people to rise. Maybe it will take some time, but they will.  
The boy was walking slowly. Maybe too slow. And he stopped.

Is he alright?

I've walked towards him. He was young from what I could tell, no more than eighteen. I've never seen him before... He wasn't on any meeting. But it is good, that he is here. He's saved our lives after all.

"Are you alright?"

He didn't react. Only now I've realized the blood which was soaking his coat. He was shot.  
Wait... this is the same boy... the same boy who's saved me when Grantaire tried to blow the barricade up!

"Answer me!"

But instead of answer, he tripped and was about to fall. My hands caught him, bringing him back to his feet. The cap from his head fell.

Long hair. Too long to be man's...

"A woman?!" I didn't even try to hide my surprise. What was a woman doing on barricades? She shouldn't be here. She shouldn't risk her life.

One look at her was enough to tell, that she is unconscious.

"Enjolras what is it?!" Joly appeared next to me.

"She is wounded," was my only answer.

"She? What do you mean by... oh, I understand," he said when he saw her in the weak light.

How did she dare? How was she able to take a courage to go there? What were her motives?

"Well, if you don't want her to die here, then I guess you have to take her," Joly said.

"What? A woman?" I asked. This is... awkward. I've never carried any woman! My contact with women is not bigger than my faith in love is!

"She's not a woman. Girl fits her better," Joly said as he observed her. He touched the bleeding wound on her shoulder.

"Almost the same," I muttered.

He pressed on the wound. Her eyes opened suddenly, face twisted in pain. A fear was reflecting in her eyes. She tried to jerk away from Joly, but was unsuccessful.

"It's alright Mademoiselle. No need to be afraid," Joly tried to calm her down. Girl looked from him to me and back again.

"Take her. We must catch upon them," Joly said.

Only now I've realized, that we've lost the others. But they can't be too far from us.

"What were you thinking about yourself? You shouldn't go to barricades. It is not a place for women," I said to her as I lifted her up.

She didn't answer. She was just silently gazing at walls.

"Still, I don't understand why," I said.

"Love," her lips moved a little.

I've laughed at this in my head. Love. The feeling which leads to these stupid things. So that's her reason. Love.  
Pathetic girl. Fighting for something already lost. Pathetic girl...

"And did your love bring happiness?"

"And did yours, Monsieur?" she whispered.

What? What is she talking about? I was never in love with anyone. And I'm certain I will never fall in love. Maybe the pain is too much on her. She doesn't even know me.

Joly was few steps ahead of me.

"I can hear them," he said.

So, we were close to them. We were escaping the death.

"It's here!" Gavroche's voice reached our ears.

Girl moved a little in my arms.

"I wonder how will we climb up the ladder," I said, more to Joly, but she answered on my question by her actions.

"Easily," she said and she stood up on her own feet. I've just sighed and tried to support her.

This girl believes in love and is too stubborn. Reasons why she is now here, wounded.

Amis were climbing up slowly. We've reached them, the girl using the walls as a support.

"Mademoiselle, are you sure you'll make it?" Joly asked her.

"First Monsieur, don't call me Mademoiselle. And don't worry about me."

I started to climb. She was below me and the last one was Joly.

A fresh air!

It was already dark out there. Night was settled. We must have been in sewers an hour or more!

I quit the entrance to help her up. As much as she was trying to hide her pain, her trembling body revealed her. She was in pain.

I took her. She was so light... The child of the streets from the look. A street rat, like most of the people would call her.  
Joly appeared.

"What now?" I asked. Girl's head fell down on my shoulder. She fell unconscious again. I placed her on ground, looking up at Joly.

"Well her wound needs to be treat. And I can't take her through the whole Paris. And you know what it means," he said.  
No! He can't make me do this.

"Joly..."

"Enjolras, you can't let her die!"

"But I can't just take her to my home!" I almost yelled at him, making the heads of Amis turn to me. This is the last thing they need to know about...

"What? Who are you taking home Enjolras?" Courfeyrac laughed and walked closer.

"What? A girl? He... She was a girl! Boys, look at her!" he shouted.

"Better be quiet," Combeferre said and walked closer to see this girl. He's right. The guards are still in streets.

"I've seen her on streets before," Gavroche muttered.

"Okay people she's definitely a female. Stop gazing at her and make some space or she will bleed to death," Combeferre said and looked at Joly.

"I was actually thinking, that we can take her to Enjolras' place," Joly said.

No... Don't make me do this. Find some other way... I don't need a woman in flat. She will only distract me! She'll distract me from my work.

"You can't..."

"Enjolras, she will leave once she will be alright. You can't just let her die after everything she did for us! Do you want to let her here on a street?" Combeferre said, making my nightmare a real one.

"But why not the place of someone else?" I tried to protest. From when are my arguments that weak?  
I need to do a lot of things... And she'll be only taking my time.

"Because your place is two minutes from here and our's is fifteen. You're acting like a child, not like a leader of the revolution, Enjolras," Joly sighed and took the girl into his own arms. He started to walk.

"Enjorlas, we will just tend to her wounds and she will leave. We don't have any bandages now and she needs some help. Go. You've survived a rebellion! You will survive a few days with a woman in your flat."

And that was Combeferre's last word.  
It was strange, that my friend tried to be funny, yet serious at once. This two things just don't fit together.

"Okay, go home and rest. We will talk about this later," I said to Amis and started to run, to catch with Joly.

A woman... You can make it, Enjolras. She's saved your life twice. You owe her your life. It will be just a few days. And then... you'll have your empty flat again.

She's saved your life.

She's destroyed your illusion.

She's saved your dreams.

She is a woman.


End file.
